Always Watching
by Madin456
Summary: One-shot. As if Nico isn't enough of a freak, as if he isn't enough of an outcast, but this—this is just too much. Dear gods, does he really have to be homosexual too? / Sometimes, he wishes he could tell Percy about his secret, but he's too scared of saying the words aloud, too scared of rejection. So for now, he just sits. He sits and watches.


**Disclaimer: I do not own **_**Percy Jackson and the Olympians.**_

Always Watching

**i. watching **

Nico di Angelo is always watching from a distance.

The other demigods think that he isn't around Camp Half-Blood much, but the truth is that he is, in fact, there more often than most people know; they just don't _see _him. He likes to stay hidden in the shadows, locks himself up in his cabin, and only comes out when everyone else is busy eating their meals so he can roam around as he pleases.

No one sees him, but he sees everyone.

Rarely any news gets past Nico di Angelo. He knows who's going on a new quest, who just came back from one, which team won last week's game of Capture the Flag. He knows the cafeteria menu for every day of the week, where people go to talk in private, who's staying in their cabin because they're actually sick and who's just pretending to be sick so they won't have to get out of bed.

It doesn't take much to observe all these things and it definitely helps if you're a child of Hades. Just like how some demigods can speak Greek and Latin fluently, Nico can just as easily walk in a fully occupied room without making a sound, without alerting anyone, without being noticed whatsoever. He can follow someone around for an entire day and the person would have no clue that they were being tailed.

So it comes as no surprise to him that Percy, who is so in love and distracted by his girlfriend, doesn't even acknowledge the fact that Nico is sitting at the table across from theirs for lunch, has been for the past week. There's no surprise when he sees them holding hands under the table and kick their legs at each other playfully.

And there's no surprise when Percy leans over to kiss Annabeth on the forehead, displaying his feelings of affection right in front of him, absolutely oblivious to the fact that Nico's heart is shattering on the inside, piece by piece, as he waits for it to completely break apart while he putting on a poker face and tries to convince himself that nothing's wrong, everything is going to be okay.

**ii. secret **

Nico doesn't like to think about his secret.

As if he isn't enough of a freak, as if he isn't enough of an outcast, but this—this is just too much. Dear gods, does he really have to be _homosexual_ too?

Jason says that it's okay, that there's nothing to be ashamed of, that he can't possibly control something like teenage hormones. Which is definitely true because if he could do something about it, the problem would be solved in less than a second. Sometimes, Nico wonders where he went wrong; is he simply attracted to people of his gender at birth or is this a developing thing?

Percy still doesn't know. He still thinks of Nico as a friend, a younger brother, and Nico doesn't know how to feel about that. Of course he's thankful that his secret hasn't been revealed, but it hurts him more than anyone can imagine when he sees the son of Poseidon smiling and laughing and flirting with Annabeth. It hurts him because Percy never does that kind of thing with _him._

And sometimes, Nico wishes that he could finally muster up the courage to tell Percy about his secret straight-out.

But he's too scared, too scared of saying the words aloud and too scared of rejection, to actually say something. So for now, he just sits. He sits and watches.

**iii. guilty pleasure**

When Nico sees it, he is surprised beyond belief.

At first, it is just simple arguing over disagreements. He's about to brush it off and forget about it and go on with his day, when Percy and Annabeth stand up suddenly, forks and spoons clattering on plates, and shout words loud enough to make the entire cafeteria turn in their direction. No one really understands what their dispute is about, but when Annabeth turns and leaves the cafeteria in anger, stomping footsteps echoing around the room, everyone understands that their relationship might just be nearing its end.

Percy doesn't bother going after her, and the next day, they're sitting at different tables, backs facing each other, and acting as if they don't know each other at all. Nico sits at his usual table by himself; Annabeth to his left and Percy to his right. He's confused and shocked and still doesn't quite know what's going on—he's never seen them act like this before and he doesn't know what to do, what to feel.

One side of him is worried about his friends.

The other side of him is undeniably overjoyed because what if Percabeth just doesn't work out? What if they break up? What if... he might actually have a chance?

**iv. chance **

It's been a few weeks and Percy's and Annabeth's relationship is nowhere near fixed. They don't explain the situation to anyone else and everyone wants to help but they're all afraid they'll just make things worse, so the days pass by normally—or as normal as it can get.

Nico hates himself for feeling so happy, so relieved, so _hopeful_. Percy and Annabeth are the perfect couple, everyone says so. Even people who barely know them want a relationship like theirs; they were meant for each other and everything just seems to work out well. Nico hates himself because he's pretty sure that at one point, he used to be a supporter of Percabeth.

And he hates himself because he tries to justify himself. Percy and Annabeth are _not_ the perfect couple; they are _not_ soul mates—not anymore. They're frustrated and confused and angry and frightened and worried and regretful and they're _falling apart. _

This is his chance. Nico knows that he'll never get another opportunity like this one.

Nico walks over to Percy, who is sitting alone with a sad expression on his face he can no longer hide, fully prepared to take this chance, to confess and spill his feelings out, but finds himself giving relationship advice instead.

**v. broken **

No one notices the son of Hades as he sits in the cafeteria alone the next day, silently chewing on his food. No one notices when he grips his fork so hard that his knuckles start to turn white or when he accidently drops and shatters his plate on the floor. No one notices because everyone is too busy crowding around the table in front of him, cheering and celebrating the return of Percy's and Annabeth's relationship.

Nico can feel the last pieces of his heart chipping away. He knows that he did a good thing by helping them but in order to do so, he had to completely neglect his own emotions, the part of him filled with regret, the part of him that shouts, _Why didn't you tell him? _

It hurts even more when Percy calls out to him later and thanks him for last night because Nico is forced to put on a smile and act as if it's no big deal, as if he's not completely breaking down on the inside.

But nothing hurts more when he sees Percy and Annabeth holding hands, leaning closer and closer, until their lips are only inches apart, until there's no space for anyone else.

**vi. always watching **

Nico di Angelo is always watching because he isn't allowed to touch, isn't allowed to kiss, isn't allowed to even think about being with the one he loves.

Nico di Angelo is always watching because that's the only thing he _can _do.

* * *

**A/N: I guess this could be considered a character study? Maybe? I don't know. **

**Anyway, I'm pretty happy with how this turned out. Now if I could only finish all the other Nico-centric one-shots I've started… **

**~Madin456.**


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